The Walk-In - Blinded By Hope

Thoughts paraded my mind as the time blew over carrying me around in my mentations. I looked idly at the cobwebs gathering fast in the upper corner of my room. I had been seeing that lock of spurious mesh for some months now. It was always lucky to escape the short broom. It had always been a challenge for me. A challenge because of my laziness. All that was required was a chair from the adjoining room and unfurling the scene of murder before my eyes. A spider seated amidst the entanglement of its hard work, rocked slowly matching the tempo of the circling fan. It seemed to eye me with tart vengeance as if I was the foreigner not it but we lived alone happily together in a room without invading each others space.

Loneliness has not been a stranger. What’s disturbing about loneliness is the redundant voice in you, pestering you that you must be mated to someone and that loneliness is a frightening mistake in the old age. As I believe that I age and that I age. The voice in you is not bothered about who you find. It just keeps tormenting you. I've often told people including my parents and friends around me of my intent to be left alone for a time. They agnized this and saw this announcement as trying to be devoid of their company. I often felt repentant, that I cherished such an unusual thing as solitude. To my friends and family, the declaration to be alone sounds as a sign of rejection and a sign of madness. I've noticed that many have never felt the need to be left alone; they rather enjoy a crowd, probably having always lived happily in relationships. They look upon me and my need for solitude as eccentricity and lunacy.

Finally one day, interior and exterior become one, and you are like a dumb person who has had a dream to finally commit. One day there comes an instant when a conclusion must be made. A lady climbes the ladder and comes into your life and you gloam into the tradition of must-fall-in-love. Love falls into a surrogate thought which befalls beliefs. Beliefs which cherishes norms. Norms which compliment hopes. Finally two people who want to love each other must question themselves how much they hope for as their love expands and intensifies, and how much risk they are inclined to take. It is in truth a fearsome gamble. To think of it, the way of the nature of love is to create. A matrimony itself is something which has to be created.

To get married is the biggest risk in earthly relations that a human can take. If we commit ourselves to one person for life, is there as ordinary mortals think a limitation of freedom? Will man be able to accommodate the change in his accustomed rhythm in life? Will he be selfish to the demands to give it all to love which is temporary? Is not love merely participation and not possession for life and in actuality invading each others space? Will he be able to express the gender equality what men internally cherish and comprehend in their daily interations? Will man never be called a "hen pecked" if he compromises and gives his soul to knead his actions?

I glanced again at the spider for some comment; it kept rocking to the breeze of the weary ceiling fan as if in agreement. And yet again, I invited the guest to walk the steps into my soul as the time passes by in my existence in this selfish world.