The wiles of a madman: Brylen Antonio Mukalamplavil

This is my new born baby. Sajini and me have lovingly named him, Brylen Antonio Mukalamplavil.

The Wiles of a Madman

I was drawn out of my shell, forced into the light of company and conversation, by the winsome wiles of my multitude of girlfriends! It made for a most excellent evening of friends and laughter, cheer and seduction. Time well spent among people that I like, people that I love, and people that I'm liking to love. All in all, a wonderful time. I wish I had longer. I know they watch me standing in the corner, so quiet, smiling or joking, but reserved in many ways. Some of that is for her. Her friends, becoming mine, but hers - I don't want to be too... *shrugs* too much of what I can thoughtlessly be at times. Don't want to do things that will make them desire less her company. So I stand back and test the waters, seeing what brands of my own humor, my own style are compatible. I slowly come out more and more, emerging as if from a chrysalis. Soon I shall break free and be far more open. In time, with exposure! But I must be conservative now. I must restrain impulses. I must remember that my actions don't hurt me, they hurt another. Now I know there are many out there who would say "Nonsense Biju, we know ya, we love ya". Swell. I'm not worried about accidentally groping the wrong person, or saying something off color. I'm worried about my nerdiness, my astrology and my occult thoughts. I'm worried about insulting. I'm worried about my being me. Now understand. I'm not in anyway shape or a prude. I am a bit of an exhibitionist. Normally no big deal. But not everyone is comfortable with that. If it chances to hurt friendships, it's a chance I'm not willing to take. I tell my friends to go out with their friends, even if I am not up to going. I want them to have their friends, their life, their love. I don’t want them to be chained to my hermitage. How can I ask them to trust me, to bend to my will and desire, to obey my rules and guidance, if I cannot - at the very least - maintain control of myself? They will fight you, wait for your signals of strength, and then happily surrender to it. Many times the things that are asked or demanded will drive them crazy because they think that I'm a loon. But if you stand strong behind your decisions and demands, the emotional warm happy feelings that they gain from the experience are often times quite contrary to their stated feelings about it. Feelings that are far more often products of the mind not the heart.

Who Am I?

“Who am I?”, “What defines the ‘I’?”, and “What am I exactly doing in this world?”, “What is that we actually call life?”, “What gives the meaning to my very existence?”…… More than once distracting me whenever I'm depressed, it coerced me to question myself again with that same set of questions most of us are afraid of facing. These questions are an obvious cliche. They’re simply boring for the common man who has no time. It’s depressing. And the excuses I've are many!! And then I agenized that I'm forgetting a point of view – that we are always changing and evolving. At every point of our lives, our environment & experiences is always making us think and live otherwise and differently. Perhaps these are questions that we have to answer every other day. Maybe it’s just about bosoming change graciously and going along with the flow in ease. The, "I" needs constant redefinition, in regard to “You”, to “We”, to “Community”, to “Society”. That’s why self discovery is always in the form of a journey, never ending. It is an ongoing appendage to yesterday!!

Survival of the fittest

The photo is the “Pulitzer Prize” winning photo taken in 1994 during the Sudan Famine. The picture depicts stricken child crawling towards an United Nations food camp, located a kilometer away. The vulture is waiting for the child to die so that it can eat him. This picture shocked the whole world. No one knows what happened to the child, including the photographer Kevin Carter who left the place as soon as the photograph was taken. Three months later he committed suicide due to depression.

The wiles of a madman

Saturday, November 26, 2011

Brylen Antonio Mukalamplavil

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